


Nous sommes pas dans une comédie romantique!

by brownest_goldfish_intheair



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Paris - Freeform, Post The Timeless Children, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Thoschei, Tiny bit of Angst, best enemies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownest_goldfish_intheair/pseuds/brownest_goldfish_intheair
Summary: Yaz and the Doctor get invited to Paris by an old friend. The Doctor has always liked Paris and she hasn't seen Yaz in quite a while, so she figures, why not? A few relaxing days in the city of love can't hurt, after all.But then, love always comes along when you least expect it - and, at least in her experience, it usually hurts.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Yasmin Khan/Original Character(s)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 26





	1. 1st Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by a Netflix show called "Plan Coeur" or "The Hookup Plan". It's set in Paris, it's a romantic comedy and it's absolutely hilarious; I would highly recommend watching it.  
> I usually write rather dark stuff with a few funny undertones and this is quite the opposite of that, so I hope I do okay.  
> Enjoy xx

“Here we are. Paris, 20th of September, noon.” The Doctor smiled as she looked up from her screen and turned to Yaz. “Well, more like late afternoon, but we _are_ exactly behind Charlotte’s block.”  
“Doctor! You promised we wouldn’t be late!” Yaz threw up her hands in frustration and hurriedly grabbed her suitcase before making her way to the door.

“Oh, come on; the French are always late!” The Doctor defended herself as she followed her friend out into the open. “I’m sure she’ll be...”

“Yaz! Doctor!” They heard an excited voice above them and as they looked up, they saw a tall young woman wave at them from her balcony.

“Charlotte Ambroise!” The Doctor called back. “You look magnificent.”

“Well, I wouldn’t dress down to meet _you two_ , would I?” She smiled softly. “You can walk around the block; I’ll come down to meet you.” She turned around to make her way back into her flat, the layers of her dress whirling around her like dissolving clouds. The Doctor shook her head with a fond smile and looked over at Yaz, who was still staring at the spot where Charlotte had stood in utter amazement.

“You are aware that she has left, right?” The Doctor asked, raising her eyebrows.  
“I… what?” Yaz turned back to her in confusion. The Doctor suppressed a chuckle. She really couldn’t blame Yaz, hadn’t been able to the first time they’d met Charlotte. She _was_ quite sight, that woman.

“She said to walk around the block.” The Doctor grinned, taking hold of Yaz hand to move her along.  
“Oh, okay.” Yaz said, taking one step and then stopping in her tracks. “But wait. Do I…” She hesitated for a second. “Do I look good?” She finally asked. The Doctor frowned. Was that one of those questions that one could not answer without the person who’d asked it ending up angry at you?

“You look… The way you always look?” She replied carefully, trying to tell from Yaz’ face if she was offended. Yaz looked at her expectantly for another moment, then sighed.  
“You’re being a real help, thanks.” She rolled her eyes before she continued walking.  
“You’re welcome?” The Doctor replied, even more confused as she followed her.

Charlotte came out of the door with a swing in her step and immediately pulled Yaz into a tight hug.  
“Hey, it’s so nice to see you.” She smiled wide as she let go of her. “It’s been too long.”  
“Yeah, hey.” Yaz said, her voice rising in tone just the tiniest bit. She’d always done that when she was talking to Charlotte; the Doctor had never quite understood why. “You cut your hair.”  
“Mais bien sûr.” Charlotte said, straightening the bangs belonging to her short black bob with her fingers. “Have to go with the seasons, don’t I?” The Doctor had absolutely no idea what she meant by that and from the look on Yaz’ face, she wasn’t any the wiser.  
“It looks good.” Yaz said with a shy smile.  
“ _You_ look good.” Charlotte replied and winked at her before turning to the Doctor and leaving Yaz standing there completely stunned.

“La Docteur.” She smiled before giving the Doctor a kiss on each cheek.  
“Don’t translate my name.” The Doctor said, cringing a little. Charlotte just chuckled.  
“It’s such a pleasure to have you here. Did Yaz tell you inspired my collection?”  
“She mentioned it, yes.” The Doctor replied, looking over at Yaz who still had her eyes fixed on Charlotte. “Even though it was _you_ who saved the world that day.”  
“You flatter me. But I really only did my job.” Charlotte said, humbly putting a hand to her chest as if she’d been trading fabrics with foreign species years before they met. “Come on, let’s go upstairs. I’ve got a friend over and another one’s coming for dinner. But first we’ll drink; we’ve got something to celebrate, after all!”

She led them up three stairs and down a short corridor into a flat that was all white-gold, open windows and the smell of roses and fresh herbs. The Doctor immediately felt trapped at the thought of staying there, in the same place, for two weeks. But maybe it would do her good: She’d barely stopped running since she’d escaped from Judoon prison; hadn’t taken any time to rest, let alone visit her friends. It would be nice, having a few uneventful days without any surprises, for once.

When they came into the living room, a woman in a striped jumpsuit was sitting cross-legged at the kitchen table, leaning her head on her hand as she smiled at them.  
“Salut.” She said, her attentive eyes lighting up. She looked a bit like she’d just woken up from a nap – just without the grumpiness.

“That’s Milou.” Charlotte said, making her way over to the kitchen to get two glasses out of the cupboard. “She’s my manager and my emotional support. Sit down, I’ll be there in a second.”

The Doctor and Yaz sat down opposite Milou, who now slowly straightened her posture.  
“It’s so cool that you guys are here. Charlotte will not shut up about you.” She said, faintly grinning back at Charlotte who was now approaching them from the kitchen.  
“Stop exposing me!” She shook her head. “I talk about other things. Fashion week!”

“Fashion week and who will be there with you.”

“Yes, because I want all of my friends with me on my first show. Speaking of which, my _best_ friend…” She was interrupted by the doorbell. “Oh, speak of the devil.” He said, putting the glasses down on the table to go and open the door.

From the way she was sitting, the Doctor could not see the person standing on the other side of the door at first. She curiously watched as Charlotte greeted them with a hug and an excited  
“Ma Chérie!” before stepping back to let them in.

The Doctor’s face immediately froze in shock.  
She knew she must look like a complete nutcase, but she couldn’t have done anything to prevent it: Standing in the doorway of this French woman’s airy flat, wearing a dark red coat that made him look like he’d jumped straight out of a Parisian fashion ad, was the Master – smiling at her as if he’d never seen her in his life.

“Amour.” He cooed at Charlotte. “Oh, that dress is new, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, do you like it?” Charlotte asked, running her fingers over the flowy material.  
“It’s gorgeous.” He smiled and handed her a bottle that contained a pink sparkly liquid. The Doctor couldn’t believe her eyes as he took of his coat in a fluid motion and walked over to the table where Milou immediately got up to hug him. He fixed his eyes on the Doctor while she did, a smirk forming on his lips as he regarded her expression.

“You must be the _Doctor_ she keeps talking about.” He said in a disgustingly sweet voice as he approached her. “I’ve got to say: You’re every bit as _magnetic_ ” He said the word lowly, almost into her ear while he moved to kiss her check “as she said you were."  
“Why does everyone keep mentioning these things; I’ll kick both of you out if you continue!” Charlotte complained from the kitchen while opening the bottle, and the Doctor was quite grateful she was moving the attention away from her, because the feeling of the Master’s lips brushing against her cheeks made her squirm in her seat.

Yaz stayed impressively calm, when he did the same to her, although the Doctor was sure that with her, he didn’t linger quite as long.

He sat down right next to the Doctor, of course, spreading an air of relaxation with the way he leant back against his backrest and put one leg over the other and it took the Doctor all her self-control not to push him off that chair right then.

It was an hour of uncomfortable fake smiles and angrily tapping her nails against the table until the Master, seemingly having enjoyed himself enough, found a way to get Charlotte and Milou to leave the room in order to get a dress that “Yaz would absolutely love”.

As soon as they were out of earshot, she turned to face him with burning fury in her eyes.  
“What are you _doing_?” She hissed, keeping her voice as low as possible.  
“What do you mean, I’m just hanging out with my frie-.” She interrupted him by roughly grabbing him by the collar of the silk shirt he was wearing.  
She noticed in the moment his face moved right in front of hers that she’d been drinking maybe a bit too quickly in order to avoid talking, because the sparkling of his eyes made her forget completely what she’d wanted to say.

“You…” He rose his eyebrows expectantly, completely unfazed by her grip on him.

“What’s your plan?” Yaz asked helpfully, the slight shaking of her voice betraying her confidence just a bit.  
“Yeah, what’s your plan?” She repeated lamely. He sighed deeply, his grin slowly fading.

“There’s no plan.” He replied. “Now, would you let go of me; that was expensive.”  
“Of course.” She said sarcastically, but actually moved her hand away from him, mostly because it made her head spin to feel his shirt under her fingers. “You’re just peacefully living life on earth with your _human best friend_.”

“Uuh, someone’s jealous.” He mocked, straightening out his collar for way longer than necessary. 

“Jealous? Are you kidding? Of a fashion designer with a silly French accent? Who acts like she’s known you all her life when really…” She stopped talking when she saw the amused look on his face. Okay, maybe she was sounding a little jealous now. Which she definitely wasn’t; why would she?  
“I just want to protect them from you. If you want to get to me; leave them out of it!"

He tilted his head to the side a little, his face turning more serious.  
“You are quite self-important, aren’t you?” He asked. “Ever considered that not everything I do is about you?” She looked at him in disbelief, a thousand remarks about how he’d pretty much _told_ her that it was running through her mind.

“But earth is…” She started.  
“ _Your_ second home? A little possessive of you. Especially when you were the one who _trapped_ me here for 77 years.” Right, there had been that. She lightly bit her lower lip, telling herself _not_ to feel guilty; he’d deserved it, after all.

“And _why_ should I believe you, huh? You knew I was coming here and didn’t warn me.”

“You changed your number, dear.” He shrugged. “Besides, the look on your face was priceless.” She shook her head.  
“Oh, I can’t _wait_ to see the look on _your_ face when I tell them the truth.” She saw panic flicker in his for just a second – which was strange, because he was usually one step ahead of her in situations like this – before he relaxed again.

“Will you though?” He asked calmly. “Ruin the most important week in your friend’s life by telling her that her best friend is a liar? She likes you a lot, Yaz, do you know that?” He turned to Yaz with a small smile, making her swallow hard.

“He’s right, Doctor.” She said after a moment of silence. “We can’t do that to Charlotte, it would crush her.” The Doctor crossed her arms in front of her chest. She didn’t want to admit it, but Yaz had a point; it would be a horrible thing to do. And right now, it seemed like it might not be necessary; they could still tell her when this whole thing was over.  
She would only do it for Charlotte, of course, _not_ because he looked like he actually cared a little, this time.

“Okay.” She finally said, pressing her eyes together and moving her face closer to his again. “But if you try to hurt someone; if you even so much as step on an ant – I will tell them who you really are and then I will rip all that _expensive_ , pretty silk of yours to pieces and burn it in front of your eyes _._ ” She’d wanted to say she’d kill him, but they both knew that had always been an empty threat between them.

“If you insist.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll try to avoid stepping on ants from now on.”  
She glared at him for another second before she moved back into a normal sitting position – just in time to look unsuspicious when Charlotte and Milou stepped back into the room, carrying a dress that, well, Yaz would _actually_ absolutely love. She let her eyes wander over to the Master again, just to see his lips turn up into a satisfied smirk. Great, that was it with the uneventful weeks then.


	2. 2nd Chapter

Night had fallen over Paris city. The Doctor was lying in bed next to Yaz, letting her eyes wander across Charlotte’s very neatly decorated guestroom. She knew it was neatly decorated, because she’d spent the past hour noticing every detail in the half-dark while trying not to think about the Master, which of course made her think about him even more.

She hadn’t been shocked to find him alive – she’d never thought that he was dead anyway; death was for other people, after all. But she had definitely _not_ expected to find him in Paris, hanging out with humans, _dressing_ like those humans and talking to them as if nothing were more important than the exact shade of magenta this one woman’s shoes at the party last week had been.  
It just seemed so utterly bizarre to her and the more she thought about it, the less she understood what he was trying to achieve. His plans had just always been so _obviously_ about her and no matter how well he’d hidden himself, as soon as she’d recognised him (or well, he’d revealed himself because she _never_ recognised him), she’d been the absolute centre of his attention, even if that meant the plan would fail (which, of course, it always did).  
Now it just felt like they were two people who were angry at each other, trapped on the same trip with the same friends, only waiting for it to be over and she didn’t like it at all.

When she changed her position for the about 15th time, and her eyes fell on her phone on the night stand again, she finally gave up with a quiet sigh, grabbed the phone and sneaked out of the room, making her way out onto the balcony.

The Master had been right: She had changed her number. But she had never deleted his. He was still saved in her phone under “O” which probably wasn’t very healthy, but the time with O had just been so nice and she’d wanted to preserve as much of it as she could.  
She quickly scrolled up through the text messages to find a _Good night x_ right above her voice message and the photo of the fish. Yeah, she remembered that conversation well; all the conversations that had ended with _Good night x_ were quite similar in content.  
Then she scrolled up further to find some of the deeper stuff they’d talked about; the stars, other civilisations and how life always deserved a chance. He’d put on such a good show; but at the same time, so many of the things he’d said could have actually been him, back in the long summers, when they used to lie in the grass and talk about the universe all night.

She looked out at the night for a moment. She wondered where he was; what his flat looked like; whether he had a cat and if his cupboards were filled with tea and coffee. Her gaze wandered back down to the phone and she let her finger come up to hover over the call-button. If she just asked him, he’d tell her, right?

Just when she was about to press “call”, she heard the door open behind her, followed by Yaz’ voice:  
“What are you doing?” She turned around instantly, trying her best not to look caught, but she could tell by the look on Yaz’ face that she must be failing terribly.

“Just needed some air.” She said in a casual tone. Yaz rose her eyebrows.  
“And you need your phone to breathe?”  
She shrugged weakly. “You’re a millennial, you should understand.” Yaz closed the door behind her and approached the Doctor with two steps.

“You were going to call him, weren’t you?”  
“Who do you mean?” The Doctor asked, instinctively hiding her phone behind her back.

“I knew it! Give me your phone.” Yaz moved her hand to grab the phone behind the Doctor’s back and the Doctor took a quick step to the side.  
“No, why would I?”  
“Because you can’t call now, it’s exactly what he wants.” She said still trying to reach for to phone that the Doctor was now holding far behind her.

“How would you know what the Master wants, huh?” The Doctor asked, pressing her eyes together.

“Oh, the Master.” Yaz said with a sly grin. “Thought you didn’t know who I was talking about.” _Oh, just great._

“Okay, so I _was_ going to call him, whatever, I can call an old friend if I want to.”

“Yes, calling old friends is fine, but it’s always a bad idea to call your ex at 2 in the morning.” Yaz replied before she actually got hold of the phone, her body pressed to the Doctor’s.  
“He’s _not_ by ex.” The Doctor said, feeling the phone slowly slip out of her fingers.

“No?” Yaz asked. “So you’re still together and this is all just a massive, century-long fight with tons of collateral damage?” The phone had been unsteady in their both their grasps before, but when Yaz said those words, the Doctor’s completely let go and since Yaz had probably not been expecting to get hold of is so suddenly, they could only watch as it tumbled onto the concrete.

They stared at the ground first, then at each other.  
“Oops.” Yaz said quietly. “Sorry.” The Doctor shook her head with a small smile.  
“It’s just a phone.” She said. There was a moment of silence before she added:  
“And it is. It is a massive fight with tons of collateral damage.” She let her gaze travel across the city, and shrugged when she looked back at Yaz. “Apparently, that’s our Paris.”  
  
  
The next morning, Milou arrived with croissants before Yaz was even out of the shower. The flat immediately came to life as she and Charlotte chattered while opening the windows, trying on different sunglasses and making coffee. The Doctor would have probably enjoyed the atmosphere, had she not felt like she hadn’t slept in a week with all the weird dreams she’d had that night. She sat at the table, regarding the cracked screen on her phone and questioning all her life-choices.

“Do you want coffee, Doctor?” Charlotte asked her from the kitchen. The Doctor looked up at her, trying to give her a genuine smile although her mind was on a completely different planet.  
“I’m more of a tea-drinker, if I’m being honest.”

“You can wait for Maxime then, he makes amazing tea.” Milou said, walking over to her and sitting down on the table. The Doctor had to think for a second to understand what she meant. Right, of course, _Maxime_ , another one of the Master’s stupid, ridiculously obvious code names. As if _Missy_ hadn’t been bad enough.

“Does he?” She asked, trying her best to sound indifferent.  
“Oh yeah. I mean it kind of makes sense.” Milou answered. “He had a boyfriend once who had lived in England for a while and had tons of friends there. He said making good tea was the best way to make a British person like you.”  
“ _Did_ he?” The Doctor asked, her mind racing as she restrained herself from asking a thousand questions that would probably give them away instantly.

“Mhm.” Milou said. “He’d seem like the kind of guy that would have had dozens of boyfriends, wouldn’t he? But he really only ever talks about _him_.”

The Doctor was very grateful for Yaz walking out of the bathroom in only a towel in exactly that moment, because Milou’s attention was instantly fixed on her, so the Doctor didn’t have to try and control her utterly confused expression.

“Hey Yaz.” Milou smiled.  
“Oh, hey.” Yaz said, clearly completely oblivious to the way Milou was looking at her.

“ _Yaz_ , you wanted to borrow that dress, right?” Charlotte asked, turning from the coffee machine to Yaz. The Doctor could watch in real time as all of Yaz’ cool crumbled to pieces and she nodded with a nervous smile.

“Cool, come with me.” Charlotte said and walked over to take Yaz’ hand and pull her into her room.

Milou sighed quietly and took a bite of her croissant as she watched them leave.  
  
  
The dress really did suit Yaz. It was a rich orange and had long wide sleeves, making her look like the owner of an important fashion magazine. The Doctor could not believe it had been the Master’s idea to show it to her. Although, when she looked at him right now, sitting there in his white trousers and dark purple sweater, she wasn’t all that surprised. He would have passed as the owner of an important fashion magazine too.

They’d just finished breakfast and were now discussing plans for the day, but the Doctor was only half listening; since the Master had come in looked at her broken phone with a slightly raised eyebrow, she just couldn’t shake the eerie feeling that he _knew_.

She took a sip from the tea he’d made for her – it _was_ bloody good tea – and tried to listen as he elaborately described the patio of a café to Yaz, who was playing along as if she’d never done anything else in her life.  
“That sounds so nice.” She said, matching the Master’s enthusiasm by opening her eyes wide and nodding attentively. If the Doctor wasn’t completely mistaken, he almost looked a little impressed.

“Yeah, it’s the best place to sit.” Charlotte chimed in. “We could go there for lunch. And maybe leave now, because there’s lots of stuff to see on the way. Are we all ready?”  
“Sure.” Yaz said as she got up to start putting away their plates.

“Leave it, I got it.” Charlotte said warmly, taking hold of the plate and brushing her hand against Yaz’ in the process. Yaz looked flustered, Milou immediately got up to put on her coat and the Master smiled smugly.

Milou chose a coat to match Yaz’ dress while Charlotte and the Master cleaned the kitchen. The Doctor, meanwhile, was so distracted by everything going on, including that one specific bird chirping outside the window, that she only remembered to get her own coat when everyone was already about to walk out the door  
Ignoring the small groan from Yaz, she ran back into her room, where she'd simply her coat in a corner on the ground.  
  
  
When she came back into the living room, everyone was already gone – everyone except for the Master, who was leaning against the dining table, regarding her with a small smile.

“What?” She asked sounding way more insecure than she would have liked to.

“I got your message.” He said calmly.

“My… W-what message?” She asked, her hand automatically wandering to the phone in her pocket.  
“I thought you probably wouldn’t know you’d sent it.” He said, pushing himself off the table to approach her. “With all the spelling mistakes you make when you’re wine-drunk, that was a bit _too_ much.” He pulled out his phone to show her that he, indeed, had got a message from her that night, saying: _znn m iom x bun_

She stared at the phone in utter confusion, until she remembered how she’d never closed the text conversation before Yaz and her had started haggling over the phone. She looked up at him to see his moth form into a grin.

She quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
“Bold of you to assume that a random message has anything at all to do with you.” She said. “This is a complete coincidence. You can delete it and leave me alone.” Then she moved to walk out the door.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Doctor.” He said when they were both out of the flat, making her stop in the middle of the stairs to look back at him. “You’re not the only one who wants to call in the middle of the night; how do you think I knew you’d changed your number?”  
Then he passed her to join the others at the main entrance, leaving her frozen in place and unable to form a response as her hearts hammered rapidly in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Have a nice day xx


End file.
